I find myself longing for a different season.
A season when things are easier, better.
But that is not mine to have.
Not yet.
So I must live in the now.
Now means tension.
Tension of the both/and.
Tension that holds contradicting things in unison with one another.
The now is overwhelming. And beautiful. And lonely. And messy. And special. And trying. And full.
All can be true because all is true.
I long for a time when solo parenting is just a distant memory and we can be together as a family in the evenings, on weekends, and holidays.
But that is not my now.
Not yet.
I long for a time of uninterrupted sleep. And a time when I’m not constantly overwhelmed.
But that is not my now.
Not yet.
I’m eagerly awaiting my kids’ growth in independence. AND I want time to slow down because they’re growing up too fast.
I’m eagerly awaiting the day when all things are made new. AND I find joy here and now despite the brokenness.
Ruth Chou Simmons says we must “cling to the truth of what IS OURS NOW…and what is NOT YET fully revealed.”
The now can be hard but we are not without hope.
In 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Paul says this: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Come along with me friends, as I learn to hold the tension of the both/and.
Of the now and not yet.
Leave a Reply