Overcoming Prejudice

I’ve thought long and hard about how I want to approach the current events. My heart is heavy. I wish I could eloquently express my thoughts on the various topics but for now I will try to stick with this one: prejudice.

As a black woman, I have experienced ill treatment because of my skin color first hand.

I’ve been given the looks.
I’ve been called the names.
I’ve had the cops called on me for no crime other than shopping while black.

Despite peaceful dealings with officers, I spent many years with an inexplicable fear of the cops. I saw what was happening on the news. That could be my brother, my father.

A bias was forming. Once I started checking it, I began to realize that not all cops are bad. Not even most of them. In fact most of them are the good guys. (Guys = men & women)

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Covey

Once I sought to understand police officers, here’s what I learned:

The good guys willingly put their lives on the line for others.
The good guys sacrifice time with family, aren’t there on holidays, and miss out on plays and baseball games.
The good guys get spit on and attacked because of the badge they wear.
The good guys suit up knowing this could be the last time.
The good guys do their best to make it home safely so they can do it all again the next day.

The good guys aren’t telling you this because they’re too busy on the front lines, serving and protecting.

I know this because one of the good guys is my husband.

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I think if we all stop and think for a moment, we’ll realize we want the same thing.

We want justice.

Justice for lives that are wrongfully taken by the bad guys. It’s heartbreaking.

As a black police wife I’ve been confused, outraged, scared, and heartbroken over these events. It feels as though one side is at war with the other.

I see good guys that lay down their lives every day for justice. I see good guys that pick up a sign and march for justice.

Denver Police Chief is linking arms with the protests and according to CNN said, “dozens of his officers had been injured while responding to the protests but were eager to return and protect the rights of demonstrators.”

We want those that tarnish the badge no longer representing it.

But taking an eye for an eye will not solve anything. Shooting police officers and torching communities is not the answer.

Saying the profession is bad because of the actions of a few is a gross mischaracterization.

Saying a race is bad because of the actions of a few is a gross mischaracterization.

Just like saying cops are killers, black people are criminals, white people are racist, protesters are violent, men are misogynistic, asians are good at math, millennials are bad with money, stay at home moms become bloggers.. you get the point.

There is DIVERSITY.

Among race, gender, professions, etc. And with diversity comes people who choose to do the wrong thing. Some people choose to act out of ignorance and hate.

But we need to guard against our own tendency to characterize a group of people based on limited experience with a few. Because then we let that influence our opinions and thereby our actions. That’s what got us in this mess in the first place.

I am guilty of this.

Let’s not pretend prejudice doesn’t happen. We need to acknowledge that to some extent, we are biased.

We can’t solve a problem if it doesn’t exist.

By recognizing this, we can learn how to overcome it. We can acknowledge when we see a bias forming but go the extra step and not allow it to influence our opinions or actions towards others.

This means NOT assuming that because of a person’s skin color, they are dangerous or involved in illegal activity.
This means NOT assuming that because of a person’s profession or skin color, they are targeting you based on your skin color.
This means NOT assuming the people peacefully voicing their opinion are looting and rioting.

By allowing ourselves to generalize, we are being lazy. We are taking the easy way out. We are even missing out on a chance to get to know some great people.

If I allow myself to generalize based on the actions of a few, I could assume that people hate me because of the color of my skin. I could also assume that people hate my family based on what my husband does for a living. But I would spend my life living in fear because I didn’t take the time to get to know the people around me.

If I operated on that assumption, I would have never met my husband or given birth to the most adorable biracial baby.

How do we overcome prejudice that goes so deep in our history? The change starts with us.

Use this very simple tool: Identify, Challenge, Replace.

The first step is to identify.

Identify a prejudiced thought. “That person is…” Take hold of this thought and pause.

Then we challenge.

Ask yourself WHY. Why do you think that way. Where is your evidence? Do you have experience with this person specifically?

Now, replace.

If you have no experience with this person or situation specifically, replace the thought with what is true. “That person is created equal to myself and is loved. I need to love this person as myself. I need to treat this person as I want to be treated.”

Continue to do this every time you sense a bias. It will get a little easier each time.

Overcoming bias, prejudice, and racism will not happen overnight. Those roots are deep. But that should not discourage us.

Let’s break down the divide and not choose sides but rather a path.

Admit when you are wrong – I have been wrong before and I’ll be wrong again. No one is perfect, let’s not pretend otherwise. Give grace to those who are wrong, even if they aren’t willing to admit it. Get to know the people around you.

Acknowledge injustices exist and empathize with those hurting.

And even pray for those who persecute you. Forgive those who have wronged you.

The change has to start with us. We need to love where we see hate and be a light where we see darkness.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I want to leave you with some hope for humanity. Despite what the media shows there are peaceful protests happening and there are officers joining in because we all want justice.

Protesters are protecting an officer that got separated from the group. The community is cleaning up the morning after the rioting.

Last night in Louisville. Protesters protected an officer separated from his squad. pic.twitter.com/cp1D59JBSY

— Nancy Duncan (@ndduncan59) May 30, 2020

Officers are kneeling in solidarity with demonstrators.

SCPD is fully supportive of peaceful protests @CityofSantaCruz and we always keep them safe.

Hundreds gathered on Pacific Ave in #SantaCruz, taking a knee together in memory of George Floyd & bringing attention to police violence against Black people. PhotoCredit @Shmuel_Thaler pic.twitter.com/EmfAfcIZaM

— Santa Cruz Police (@SantaCruzPolice) May 30, 2020

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When we overcome ourselves, great things can happen.

Sincerely,

A proud black woman and a proud police wife.