What Helps My Anxiety & Depression

As the dark cloud thins and I start to claw my way out of the hole, I can start to see just how deep the valley really was.

I didn’t even know how overwhelmed I was.. until I wasn’t.

Let me say that again: for the first time in who knows how long, I AM NOT OVERWHELMED.

I’ve had a break a few days in a row for a while now and it’s done wonders for my mental health. Earlier this year I put my child in daycare. It was a very emotional day and I had ALL THE FEELS.

Part of what made it so emotional was that I was finally admitting that I needed help. I needed a break.

I couldn’t do menial tasks. No energy, no motivation, and no willpower. And I couldn’t understand why.

Overwhelmed and barely keeping my head above the waves were the prevailing feelings day to day. The walls of our apartment felt like they were closing in on me.

Once the fog began to clear, I could see that I actually don’t live in the pit of despair (as previously discussed ad nauseam to anyone who would listen). The realization is quickly replaced with thankfulness for not making any big life altering decisions.

Now that I have some earth between me and the bottom of the hole, I am noticing areas of my life that are improving.

I’m starting to feel like a human again. Cooking and cleaning don’t feel so taxing anymore. I even did the laundry without being asked. I’m a much happier person to be around and want to soak up as much time as I can with my little one as opposed to constantly wishing for a break.

I think it’s good for all of us.

What is the secret?

What is giving me the energy to claw out of the hole? First and foremost:

Jesus

I. Need. Jesus.

Every. Single. Day.

I am a firm believer that our strength comes from the Lord. More often than not I find myself crying out for the strength to face another day, to cook another meal, to change another diaper.

It’s not a one and done kind of thing. I continually ask for strength. We live in fallen world with broken bodies (made perfect through Christ) but we will still have our sinful nature to deal with.

For me, that look like needing to ask God to quiet my anxious heart with the peace that surpasses all understanding. Every. Single. Day.

And my God has not failed me. As evidenced by the fact that I am typing these words before you. My baby’s diaper is clean and his belly full.

Sometimes strength comes in the form of energy to create a meal plan and cook a delicious meal. Sometimes it comes in the form of energy to dial for take out.

Childcare

I had to put my child in daycare. I needed a break a few mornings a week.

Figuring out who, how long, and how to make room in the budget was not the easiest of tasks but we had to make it a priority.

A few mornings a week, I can breathe.

Keep Reading: I Put My Child in Daycare

Therapy

“There is a 4 month waiting list” is the last thing you want to hear when you’ve finally worked up the courage to call for counseling.

The journey to find a therapist was long and discouraging but things worked out in the end. In therapy I’m learning breathing techniques to help with the anxiety and ways to reframe my thinking.

My thoughts are influenced by my feelings and my feelings are influenced, at times, by anxiety a.k.a. fear.

But FEAR IS A LIAR.

Which means that feelings don’t always line up with what is true. I’m learning how to separate anxiety from the truth.

[Update: After my miscarriage I decided to part ways with my therapist. In the future I hope to find a biblical counselor.]

Less Judgement

One thing that was hindering my progress – and making things worse – was my own judgement. Not only was I dealing with these unwanted feelings and thoughts, but I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t be having them, or I was a horrible person for thinking such things.

My therapist called me out on the judgement from day one. I’m learning that you can’t stop the thoughts that enter your mind but you can control if you entertain them. I can choose to dwell on them and judge myself or I can choose to think about what is true, noble, just, pure, and lovely.

Right now, I’m beginning to identify the negative thoughts, challenge their truthfulness by looking for evidence, and replace them with truthful ones.

Like asking for strength, this isn’t a one and done thing either. Every time a negative thought comes into my head I have to pause and identify, challenge, replace.

Do I do it perfectly every time? No. Am I working on it? Yes.

Progress over perfection.

Support Network

Despite what the anxiety and depression tell me, I honestly have very supportive people around me. Anxiety affixes a filter of fear on my eyes and ears. This fear tells me I’m a burden to those around me. It tells me that people don’t really mean it when they say they’re here for me.

But FEAR IS A LIAR.

I’m learning to lean on my support network in times of need.

Journaling

Normally, I’m a bottle it up kind of person but that hasn’t led to anything particularly productive. Journaling for me is done in various forms: physically writing down my thoughts and prayers, and blogging.

Blogging helps because it forces me to digest the coping skills and present them in a coherent manner (at least, that’s the goal).

Creative Outlet

Along with blogging, creating videos helps as well. On days when I’m feeling especially lonely or lacking motivation, I turn on the camera and just start talking. Little by little it turns into a Clean With Me or Cook With Me video. 80% of my videos never actually make it onto my YouTube channel but it gets me through that moment.

I don’t see many talking about mental struggles. Does that mean they don’t exist? The more I continue on this mental health journey, the more I realize these hardships are fairly common. It’s just not super trendy and doesn’t look aesthetically pleasing on the gram.

I choose to follow people that help remind me of what is true. Some accounts I’ve found helpful are: @livedeeplyrooted, @psychedmommy.

Live Deeply Rooted posts short powerful prayers every day.

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A post shared by Live Deeply Rooted (@livedeeplyrooted) on Sep 1, 2020 at 7:08am PDT

Breaking the Silence

My hope is that by being open with you, on my blog and over on YouTube, you will know that you are not alone. Struggles with mental health are more common than you think, despite what you see on the highlight reel.

Keeping quiet or being ashamed of our struggles makes other people think they should be ashamed, too. That is what prevents us and others from getting the help we all need.

So in that spirit, I entered this photo in a local contest to raise awareness for mental health. [And took home 2nd place!] If you flip through the online gallery, you will see yours truly.

If you need help, I encourage you to seek it. Contact a close friend, local pastor, or trusted counselor.